Anti-climax

I hate my project yesterday. I really do. We didn't do well and got a very serious called out. It was terrible and it was even worse because we have been doing so well, until last night.
The other groups were doing so good, and maybe they achieved their climax. As the opposite, it was anti-climax for us.

Now I hope that Mr. D would be generous so the last project won't hurt us bad...

Coffee Table

Here's the first final project. We will have the very very last one on Tuesday (and I will also have my other finals this week...huaa....). The weather is so nice today. But I just got to study. Well, except that I am taking some minutes for posting my new blog...hehehe...But I was bad yesterday, went to the beach then got some sunbathe in the park. I brought my textbook and tried to read, but no luck..I paid more attention to the ducks and the dogs instead to my textbook ^_^ So today I really have to study! And then that's it, school will be over and I can take a rest!

Not drinking is not a crime!

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me not to drink, Mom
So I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
That I didn't drink and drive,
Though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right,
The party finally ended,
And the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece,
I never knew what was coming, Mom
Something I expected least.

Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
The kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
This girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying! high,
Because he chose to drink and drive,
Now I would have to die.

So why do people do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
Like a hundred stabbing knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave,
And when I go to heaven,
Put Daddy's Girl on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive.

My breath is getting shorter, Mom
I'm getting really scared.
These are my final moments,
And I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.

I received this note from my co-worker. And I just think that I have to spread the words.
First of all, I am not against drinking. But, drinking should be only for fun and enjoyment. Not for punishment (sounds a bit of commercial). I do drink sometimes. But, one thing that really make me can't stop thinking about it, how come people always make relation between drinking and courage? If someone doesn't want to drink, people will say, hey, you're a chicken. Or, hey, you're not fun. What?? It really makes me angry, and also pity for those people who make a very shallow judgment. Don't you think that you should honor other's decision?
Drinking should always be followed with responsibility, and that's why there is a limitation for age because it is assumed that over 21 will be old enough to take the drinking responsibility. But hey, I guess the fact will say the opposite.

About almost a month ago, I went to this gathering. Lots a young girls there. And we could get free drink. As I was driving that time, I decided to pass. And all of the other girls looked at me with weird expression, maybe they thought this girl must be either a chicken or a geek. One girl asked me, hey, why don't you order something? I replied that I ordered OJ, and she was shocked. What? No drink? How come? C'mon, it's not fun without drinking. I said to her that I was driving. And she answered : so what? Just a little... Hmm....her answer really made me....hmpphh...I don't even know how to say. Why would you take just a little of fun if there is a risk of killing you? Or even worse, hurt other people.

Again, I am not an anti-alcoholism, or whatever that name. I drink too sometimes, only if I am not driving, or if I really in the mood for drinking. I don't want to drink just because it will make me look cool, or to be accepted in one environment. If that environment won't accept me because I choose not to drink, maybe that environment is not for me, and I will be more than a happy camper to get my butt out and leave.
I will never drink just because people tell me to do so, and hopefully, people out there who have the same opinion with me, could stand behind their decision. And believe me, it's not a crime for not drinking.

Confusion

Duh!!
I don't mean to have another complain, but another disappointment is coming again....I can start hate myself if everything keeps going on like this....
I don't know what else to say...I am so confused, feel so disappointed...Why can't I get the good things, how long should I keep waiting?

Yo no se....

A goodbye note...

I spoke with And today, she took me out for lunch (will be the last, she said, and also as her thanks so far for my assistance). During the chat, I was being honest with her, about everything. I guess as she is leaving now, she won't be concern whether or not I am staying. As the opposite, she does concern with what I want. I told her, I don't know. Then she gave some advice, and I will take it. I believe in her years of experience, and somehow though she is younger 5 months than me, I feel less mature than she. And I told her too, about my thought of leaving. She was fine with that, and advice me that while I am still here, I should take advantage from everything that I could gain. Hmm...sometimes I wish I could be more dare like her, or perhaps it is now time to start? Be dare to try...maybe it won't kill me anyway....

Anyway, it was a nice lunch, and nice weather. I am gonna miss her, even though she could be so grumpy many times...but indeed she is a good person at heart. She is just the way she is, and knowing her for more than a year, I know that. Good for her, got accepted in the one of the best business school in US (even though she has to pack herself to Chicago). But she is a smart girl. I am happy for her, for her better future in her MBA, and mostly, for leaving before everything start cracking down.....

Good luck for you, and for sure. I will miss you....

Inikah Cinta

Saat kujumpa dirinya
Di suatu suasana
Terasa getaran dalam dada
Kucoba mendekatinya
Kutatap dirinya
Oh dia sungguh mempesona

Ingin daku menyapanya
Menyapa dirinya
Bercanda tawa dengan dirinya
Namun apa yang kurasa
Aku tak kuasa
Aku tak tahu harus berkata apa

Inikah namanya cinta, inikah cinta
Cinta pada jumpa pertama
Inikah rasanya cinta, inikah cinta
Terasa bahagia saat jumpa, dengan dirinya

Kujumpa dia berikutnya
Suasana berbeda
Getaran itu masih ada
Aku dekati dirinya
Kutatap wajahnya
Oh dia tetap mempesona

Rindu terasa
Dikala diri ini ingin jumpa
Ingin s'lalu bersama
Bersama dalam segala suasana

Zanzibar dance floor- 1998

Daydream...

GOSH!!!
Seriously, I could be crazy if I keep working here...I am not a person who can bravely challenge the pressure...it will just make me even more depressed. The more stressful thing, I can not just quit and leave, unless I want to be starving. I don't want to fall down with the company (I am not that devoted), but the ironic, I don't want either to jeopardize everything that I already have.

Though choice, isn't it?? Dunno what should I do, other than keep my eyes open wide, and keep exposing myself to the new environment...But still that thing has not came in yet. And I know how long it could take, the last one took my patience almost about 6 months...

Trying to imagine myself to be somewhere in Kuta now...drinking the young coconut juice, having abundant sunlight...loosen my thought and worry about nothing.

Nevertheless, here I am, in my cold cubical...

Busy weekend

It was a busy and tiring weekend...how I miss my normal weekend when I can wake up at 10am. Instead, I woke up at 7am on Saturday and Sunday. How nice :(
I was volunteering at SF International Style Festival - Union Square on Saturday (yeah...and whose fault was that??). Be there at 8.30am till almost 6pm with my nice black dress (had it for a day only, hehehee). And the wind blew my dress up once, hmm...hopefully people behind me did not see my panty.... Hah! It was nice though on Saturday. The sun really came out. The event itself was not as spectacular as I thought. Oh well. At least I got the experience (and a bit of sunbathe). Oh yeah, and the gift bag. Not really worth $200 as it was mentioned, but it is still ok.





Sunday, another group meeting. Though only 3 people attended the meeting, at least we came out with the ideas. I don't want to be worried at the last minute, cause I still have my finals, and I really want to concentrate on them. Got back home at noon, work on another assignment, and took 3 hours nap. I still had to go to the church cause I didn't get a chance to go on Saturday - I missed the choir at St Anne. So I went to my other choir at STM. Not many people came, and lots of people were missing from the choir. Maybe it was Mother's Day and people celebrated with their family. We sang one song for Mother Mary.

Btw, I went to Starbucks on Sunday morning. And while I paid, the girl asked me "did you call your mom?". And I was starring at her, didn't understand at all. For a sec I thought she was mistaken me with other person. Then she said, "it's Mother's Day, don't you call your mom?". And I just answered her honestly, no. She was kinda shocked, but I didn't bothered to explain to her that we have a different date for Mother's Day (it is Dec 22 fyi, and it's not commercially lured like here), so I just left. Hehe...that girl must thought that I hate my mom...

Well, that was my weekend. Now back to work, and remind me how I love Monday...? Yeah right!

Yogyakarta

Pulang ke kotamu
Ada setangkup haru dalam rindu
Masih seperti dulu
Tiap sudut menyapaku bersahabat, penuh selaksa makna
Terhanyut aku akan nostalgi
Saat kita sering luangkan waktu
Nikmati bersama
Suasana Jogja
Di persimpangan langkahku terhenti
Ramai kaki lima
Menjajakan sajian khas berselera
Orang duduk bersila
Musisi jalanan mulai beraksi
Seiring laraku kehilanganmu
Merintih sendiri
Ditelan deru kotamu ...

Walau kini kau t'lah tiada tak kembali
Namun kotamu hadirkan senyummu abadi
Ijinkanlah aku untuk s'lalu pulang lagi
Bila hati mulai sepi tanpa terobati

"Kedua" 1990

May 2005

May 2005.
Can't believe myself it is May 2005 now. The month of May will always be a memorial for me. It was the month of my dream, and now, it belongs to someone who was the universe to me. And despite of that, he chose the same month as a memorial of his journey to be with someone else. It was sadly enough that he will remember this month as his anniversary, and, I will remember this month as my requiem.

I am not crying anymore now. I am happy for him, and truly wish he will be happy with his choice.

It is just funny how life makes a joke sometimes...

It has been 2 years since that May, and deep down inside my heart, I am still mourning...