Sunday, April 30, 2006

Anima Christi

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within your wounds hide me
Separated from you, let me never be
From the evil one protect me
At the hour of my death, call me
And close to you bid me
That with your saints, I may be, praising you forever and ever. Amen


for the unforgetful and unforgiven....

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Temptation waits

One more week...

but I can't guess what will happen next.
Things happened along the way, and there's no stairway to heaven. I can only wait and see what next.
Que sera sera...what will happen, happens.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

(Another) tough week!

Yeah..again, it's been a quick and painful week. I slept only about 6 hrs every night...tried to catch up with all my tests and projects and essays and work. For all of you, trust me, unless you lost your mind like I did, don't ever try to take your school full time (specially if you are in a graduate school) and also work full time (and of course, it's only 40 hours/week in a perfect world, which doesn't apply in my world). The worst thing, though I've been trying to really catch up and studying hard...I still can't get the best. The last 2 test I took in this week...errr....I can guess what I will get...mal. I think as I'm getting older, my brain can't perform as well as when I was...err...younger? I remember it was so easy to study, and now, either because of the brain malfunctions, or because I really have too many tasks....

Plus, I miss having fun. I really love being busy, I do, but sometimes, I feel so guilty when I am away too long from my assignments. And the weather has been so nice lately...makes me just want to throw away everything and just laying down on the beach with my apple martini...

Anyway, this week should end soon, so fast, and the best for this week when I know I don't have to get my X-ray test. Hmm...yeah...the story began when we knew that someone in my class is positive with TB. Tuberculosis (TB) is a disease caused by bacteria called Mycobacterium tuberculosis. The bacteria usually attack the lungs. But, TB bacteria can attack any part of the body such as the kidney, spine, and brain. If not treated properly, TB disease can be fatal. TB disease was once the leading cause of death in the United States. My sis also added that SF has the largest number of TB among the other cities. Perfect!

Surprise surprise, the person is an Indian student...of course, another sample of developing country who hasn't developed well enough. Anyway, about a week ago we all got an email from the University Health Center about this and we are required to take the test, and the first step is the skin test. If we failed the skin test, then we have to take the X-Ray to make sure we are not infected. And of course, this is a must, all of the students have to take the test, we even got a letter from the City (with our lovely Mayor's name). And what scared me so much, cause I know I got BCG when I was young, most likely my skin test will come with a positive result. But somehow, it didn't, I got a NEGATIVE result!! Hooray!!! I don't have to get an X-ray (imagine going to General Hospital and spent 1 hour to get parking and 4 hours to take the X-ray...), this is very relief for me. There was even a second when I thought that maybe, somehow I got infected already (looking back my old habit and my old environment, yeah....that was paranoid), but hey, I feel 100% healthy now...One was down...now I can stop being worry about....

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Easter Rabbits

First, NO, I am not a rabbits' lover (I am just an animals' lover), but, it's Easter anyway, and I think these guys are cute (Ren....hold your breath and stop drooling!)

brown twins


twins...with blanket


white


on the top


huge!


gray rabbit


angora rabbit

Friday, April 14, 2006

Unordinary Lenten

Le'me tell you bout my Good Friday. This is the very first time I went to the evening mass here (after searching on the Archdiocese website try to find the evening mass for Passion of Lord, which is, unbelievable rare), cause this is the first time I have a normal work schedule on Fridays. Previously, I was always able to get off early on Fridays so I went to the noon mass. And before that, I didn't even work on Good Fridays...Yeah...welcome to US, where you can lose the meaning of Easter and when you lost your privilege to practice on your religion.

Anyway...I found a small church in my neighborhood that had evening mass today, so I went there. As I thought it would be hard to get parking, I just took the train, but in the middle of the way, we got stopped and got to get off...apparently there was an accident: a car hit another train that came from the opposite direction, but the car's position was on the middle of the trail (hope the car's driver; or passenger, were okay...) The train from both directions were totally stucked, and the train that I took got to stop. Ouch! And it was only 15 mnts before the mass started, I was 11 blocks away...What should I do? Though I was thinking to go back home and get my car, I couldn't unless I want to walk..and I would rather walk to the church...and that what I did. I was walking 10 blocks in...less then 15 mnts...walked as fast as I could....

I was outta breath when I came (finally!). And it was really a very little tiny church, literally, the smallest church I've ever been in my life, and also the most modest one. There are only 2 columns, and about, 8 rows, I guess? But, it was nice...I like the atmosphere, and the choir was good!! It went fine actually, until came the distraction: a guy who looked like a homeless (oh yeah, the neighborhood is not that nice) walked in about 10 mnts after the mass started, and sat in front of me. My thought was: OMG! I got to move, or I got to hold my breath...luckily, he didn't smell. But! The next distraction came when he just can’t sit still, and couldn't keep the silence, he kept saying: "Yeah!", put his finger with metal sign to anyone who wanted to see, kept mumbling comments that I couldn't hear it, and, kept scratching his body till I finally wanted to scratch myself. I tend to do that: scratch myself when I see someone's scratching, or cough when someone's coughing.
So, it was quite a distraction for me....then, he took out a comb out of nowhere and starting brushing his hair and his beard very hard (he has long hair)...I know it's a bad thought, but I couldn't help myself on thinking: ouch, does he have any flea? Tried to move bit by bit away from him...

In the middle of moving away from him, I saw him started to move and grab his belonging (a huge backpack and I could see a blanket inside), and he went away before the offertory. Yeah! I didn’t have to scratch then!
"try to be nice to homeless people, still I found it difficult to do, especially in the situation when I didn't prepare....oh well, hope he found a bit of peace before he left..."

So, that’s bit story from today. In overall, I must say that this is the unordinary Lenten season for me. I started my Ash Wednesday in the early morning-first time ever-, I went on Saturday for Palm Sunday-first time ever, cause I had my choir schedule that day, I didn’t know it was going to be the same like Sunday. I was thinking to go again on Sunday actually, but since it was all the same and I got my palm already, so I didn't go twice.
Sadly enough, I didn't go yesterday on the Holy Thursday...I couldn't. I got class and I really couldn’t afford to ditch. Again, first time EVER, I didn't go on Holy Thursday, in ALL of my life. Even when there were times in my life when I went to church only on Xmas and Easter, I always went for the whole 3 days in Holy week...

Tomorrow, most likely I won't go and I'll go on Sunday (my normal Holy week actually Thursday, Friday and Saturday Vigil). But let's keep that open for a while...we'll see what would like for tomorrow...

This is really the fastest Lenten. And everything was different...Yet, there'll always the first time, right?

everything changes, nothing stays the same
people come, people go...
but in search of His presence,
one thing will always be the same
you will always be
in the house of the Lord

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The memory of Flower

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006.
Now I carry the sign of my chinese name forever....

Friday, April 07, 2006

Word Cloud

Cute!!



Those words are found frequently in my blog.

Love song for a vampire

Here you go, my another fave song from my most fave movie. Scary? I don't think so, instead, I found this movie is very beautiful. Imagine someone loves you so deep...that he/she will come over anything, even death....In this movie, Count Dracul gave his mortality life in search for love, but in the end, he gave his immortality, for his eternal love. Dramatic, isn't it, and won't happen in the real life.
Still...I adore this movie (and the song) so much...

Come into these arms again
And lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
Is beating like a drum

It beats for you - It bleeds for you
It knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
It is the song of songs...

Once I had the rarest rose
That ever deigned to bloom.
Cruel winter chilled the bud
And stole my flower too soon.

Oh loneliness - oh hopelessness
To search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
No greater love than mine.

Love, oh love, oh love...
Still falls the rain... (still falls the rain)
Love, oh love, oh, love...
Still falls the night...
Love, oh love, oh love...
Be mine forever.... (be mine forever)
Love, oh love, oh love....

Let me be the only one
To keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven's lain
With stars of brightest gold

They shine for you - they shine for you
They burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
And set this spirit free


OST Bram Stoker's Dracula



Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The rain after the rain

That's what happening now, the days full of rain. And this afternoon was the first time the sun shined after so many rainy days, that I almost forgot what the sunshine feels like. I came home tonight walking with my light jacket instead of my winter coat. I walked cheerfully, looked at the sky and saw how bright it was and lots of stars...pretty.

Then, of course, we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

The next moment after I read The Email, I knew the cloudy sky will come again. I went outside, and saw how gloomy the sky is now.

I lost my stars....and in a deep fear I will lose my only star.

Seems that the rain is coming and just won't go away....

Abandon all hope....

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Indonesia

It's pretty funny that lately, I don't feel ashamed anymore about my country of origin (for its bad reputation for many stupid and chaotic things inside the country), well, at least I don't feel it as strong as I did. I also find it amazing that I can stand out all of sudden after I mentioned where did I come from (and somehow from the way I look, people have always mistakenly thought that I came either from Korea, or Japan -and strangely enough, they didn't mention China cause that will be half true). Of course, after they knew, I still have to explain bout why do I have a different look than the majority of people in my country...and bring them to another story how my great grandparents came from another country). Long story short, after they knew, they give almost the same comments: "Ohh...it's a pretty country, it's very beautiful...You know, I've been there." Or, "Really? Wow...that's cool...I heard a lot about your country, I wish I can go there someday." And the last comments from my classmates:"You know, there's a good restaurant in downtown from your country, I tried and I love it!" and "Wow...I've been in Oz and I met lots of people from your country, and they were all very friendly...too bad I didn't get a chance to go there that time."

And so on...and so on....

But, the biggest thing that lessen my dishonor about my country, when I met someone who is very fond about it. He's been there couple of times, and he's totally crazy about it. He spent almost 2 years just to study it, and the last time I met him, he even told me that he wishes to be rich and someone found a superjet that could fly him there in a much shorter time, so he can go there on the weekends....I was only laughing when I heard this, but still, it gave me a deeper feeling how my country could be very attractive for him, or maybe for many other people out there who I've been met, or, who I haven't been. Then tonight, I just read his story when he was in Bali several years ago...and I was thrilled. He wrote, he'll be back...I know he had, and still he wants to go there again....

I never love my country for what I had gotten when I still lived there, and despite what I feel right now, I don't think I can. But, it is somehow a pleasure now to let people know that I came from Indonesia. It's crappy, but indeed I have to agree, it is a beautiful country.

And I know, one day, I'll be back.

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