Salmon-Rose

Engagement Pictures by JB Williams Photography

2011-11-17T19:41:00.000-08:00

I need you now -by Lady Antebellum

2010-03-21T09:59:00.000-07:00

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

I just need you now

Ooo, baby, I need you now

Good bye my dearest sister....

2009-08-21T22:24:00.000-07:00

Phew....

I'd been really busy for the past 2 weeks, helping my best friend packing as she was moving to Germany. My childhood friend that already like a sister to me. Somehow we both ended up in the US together from our far away home. And now, one journey has ended and another one is open up.

I took her to the airport today, and said my good bye softly. I know we will see each other again, but it feels different now that I can't see her anytime I want to or just drive for an hour to see her. But I am happy for her...her new life is lay upon her in Germany. With a future husband.

Life is a roller coaster. I looked back a year ago and everything was so different. We knew nothing about this present time, or that she will be leaving us and move to Germany. A year ago, we both were still looking for the answers. Now we know. And it's a bitter sweet for us. I know it was hard for her too to leave everything as this land is already like a second home for her. But we all got to do what we have to do....and I will miss her so much......I already do.....

Good bye for now hun, and I know I will see you again at your wedding in December. Until then, take a good care of yourself.

Stuff from the past year, and for the years to come?

2009-08-14T21:58:00.000-07:00

Hmm....I realized that I haven't updated my blog for so long. Almost a year since the last time I wrote. I am not really sure what happened...Well, last year was truly a roller coaster for me. Got so crazy busy at work and school. Got so much drama more than I'd ever expected. But hey, now everything was gone, and it's so quiet. I've been out of the job since last April, and now just enjoying my unofficial retirement - I like to call it like that :) Well, I still have my journey upon me: finish my long due school. Hopefully I can walk in my commencement next Spring, yes, that's the goal for now. And then, what next? I don't know....

I was reading a few posted on my blog, and how I was bitching all the time about my job. But after all, it was my life, my whole life....The one that I got after worked so hard. My career in a big corporate. The one that I had so much important than many other things. I fight for everything in my life and many times I lose. But, I learn from every battle with a hope I will get stronger and stronger. It feels weird that I have less to fight now, or, maybe I haven't picked my next battle ring. I am resting now, before the next round coming.

And, I am still thanking God for everything. Though He is so funny sometimes and I still don't get Him. Well, I know He answers our prayers in a mystical way, and He did for my long prayer that I had for so many years. Surprisingly and unexpected. And I think, He wants me to get what I need and not what I want.

For now, I am living in a bubbly piggy's life :)

I am content now, not because I accepted that the situation is only a temporary scenario for me, but also, more likely, that I have someone next to me now. Someone that I know will make me happy. I still don't dare to foresee my own future, but I started to see a glimpse about 2 people in my future. Me. And someone special. Someone who doesn't give me butterflies in my stomach - now I realized that's because butterflies means insecurity, a feeling of being unstable. With him, I know he will catch me when I fall. No butterflies, but I feel secure. I still have questions I yet seek to find, but we both will try to be patient and guide each other. More important, we both will be there for each other.

Love you, MLP. You are my life now...

Rafting trip - American River

2008-09-01T23:17:00.000-07:00

Just got back from a rafting trip - kewl!! It was a nice trip - long though. Almost 16 miles and lots of pedaling against the wind. But the currents were not too many, so I guess that's a good thing?

My annual trip

2008-08-01T19:03:00.000-07:00

After getting promotion twice in the last couple of years, now I am officially a slave......Well, I guess we all choose what we want. All the perks, all the money, got to be paid with getting through drama by drama, all the water cooler talks, and all the nights of working late. Now I am getting ready for another NY trip. Sigh...just hope I won't be burning hot in a muggy humid NY weather.....

Citizenship

2008-07-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

Finally, after settling down in this new-promising-land, I have become a citizen. Today, I just took my oath, promised to my new country that I will do goods for Uncle Sam. After today, I can no longer worried that I still need to deal with the INS. After today, I can join with million of people to vote. And after today, I am getting ready for my next trip to Europe.

ahhh....life is good.

ache

2008-06-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

I ache.
Thought I have become numb, I am not foolproof.
I fall, again.
I try to stand up, but the strength has gone.
I can't breathe. I feel there's no air left for me.
Not inside this bubble. Not in this place.

My soul cries, alone looking for a lonely one.
I can hear it's pounding to the last beat,
before it's breaking. Bleeding.

And all I need, I find nowhere to be found.

I am a slave

2008-05-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

I was promoted a few days ago. This time, it's a bitter sweet one. Yes, more money, indeed. But also more workload and more responsibilities. I am officially a slave for my company now. That means working like 12 hours a day, more trips to NY, and dealing with more biatches.....

euwwwwwww!!

2008-05-08T18:35:00.000-07:00

I found a house-lizard inside my room today! Euwwwwwwwwww!!

(gonna have a nightmare tonite...damn it!)

New York!

2008-04-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

Finally!
(I knew this day would come)

I was staying at Double Tree Hotels - Times Square. Worked and worked for like 12 hours everyday. Met really cool people (hmm....should I move to NY and work for them?) and had really nice dinner with CK.

Majesty

2008-03-19T19:38:00.000-07:00

Lord You are, the light of my heart
Grander than the greatest stars
You are that I might be alive for thee
Lord You came, and breathed anew
A gift of life that will not cease
I am that You might be glorified
And I open my eyes to see
I'm asking You Lord reveal to me

Your majesty is captivating all of me
I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
Your majesty beyond what mortal souls could dream
We stand amazed breathless as we've come to face
Your majesty

Lord I come to this place
To bring honor to Your name
I stand just to sing of Your great fame
So I open my heart to You
Cause there's nothing else that I can do

When Your majesty is captivating all of me
I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
Your majesty beyond what mortal souls could dream
We stand amazed breathless as we've come to face

So shine down over your children
Reach out and touch us again
So shine down over your children
Reach out and touch me again

I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
When Your majesty is captivating all of me
I stand before the one who makes my heart adore
Your majesty beyond what mortal souls could dream
We stand amazed breathless as we've come to face
Your majesty
Your majesty

A reflection

2008-03-01T08:15:00.000-08:00

(Inspired by my friend's blog)

Writing this blog and crying. But not the sad cry, more like a grateful cry. I realized, finally realized how good He is to me. How kind He is, and He always protects me, all the time. I was saved million times because of Him.
Now that I am working so hard trying to finish my school, but looking back, I won't have this chance if not because of Him. I was reminded that now I have a good boss that supports me all the time and understand my passion to finish school - tho I have to work on weird schedule and leave early couple of times in the week. I was reminded how did I come into this position: after some disappointments, after feeling that I'd failed. But He guided me through all difficult times and brought me into where I am now, and slowly made me realized this is the right position for me if I still want to finish my school.

This is the song from Corrinne May

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe, coz

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

True, there are thousand reasons that I should give up. Many times I feel I hit the wall, many times I feel so tired, so jaded. But I am stubborn, because I believe in things I hold. And I believe too that He will always be my side, never leave me alone, to walk through into this maze and find the way out

I won't ask for more, I am what I have now. This is my life, the best one according to Him. And I believe.

New chapter

2008-02-02T15:15:00.000-08:00

Here I am, in my new place.... boxes are still all over everywhere....and for the first time ever I shopped for dinningware. But so far I love it, finally broke my bubble and decided to start a new chapter.

One thing hasn't changed, I am still alone. Back to basic, back to the journey that I don't even remember when did I start. I am not complaining, but I feel sometimes I have become so dull, and numb. Dunno who am I, who are you, or who is he? Dunno what to look, or what to see. Sometimes I feel that I have lost all my senses to value something that is valuable, or not.....

Here I am, in my new place. And nothing has changed, I am still chasing the time and balancing my 24/7 life. Maybe, this is my call for now, maybe I am not supposed to squeeze anything else inside my life, yet.....

maybe...

It's a new day!

2008-01-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

Finally...
after 4 years, I am ready for moving on, yay! This will be my own world now.

Can't wait to embrace my february 2008......

Merry Christmas

2007-12-23T10:38:00.000-08:00

2 days before Christmas.....
hmm....I feel this year had gone by so fast. I didn't even have time to sit down and digest what happened in my life, just keep following the stream......

It's been a good year, well, every year is a good one when we still have His blessings to live our lives. Wish a better one for next year though.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-27T19:23:00.000-08:00

Spent my Thanksgiving in Seattle with my family....Great thanks to Him for everything that He has done to me, and everything He has given to me.
I still want more, but I appreciate what I have now.....just hope in the future I will be able to do better and better.

to love, and be loved....

2007-10-22T20:20:00.000-07:00

is this the end? the answer to my question? the last of my journey?
Still, the question is still there, somewhere between the midst.
The journey hasn't completely ended, the obstacles are still vivid in front of us. Where are we going, in the same direction? We are still looking for the bright light, but we know, we won't be looking alone.
We have each other.

Yosemite Trip, a journey to seek God

2007-09-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

Just got back from my Yosemite trip. Left on Friday late afternoon, got there around 9pm, got the tent information, mingled with some crowds then went to bed.

Saturday morning: it started to rain. I decided already that I was not going to Half Dome so I was looking for another hiking trip. Some people wanted to go to Yosemite Fall, so I decided to go with them without knowing the the trail condition.
It turned out to be a strenuous hike, maybe it got worse because of the bad weather. And I heard - between catching my breath - that Half Dome was even more difficult and more strenuous. Hmm...yeah...not sure if I will ever try to hike the Half Dome.

When I was hiking up to the top, I started to feel, oh my God, this is going to be very difficult. I started hiking with the group, but then one by one, people left me behind - I was not complaining, as I don't really know this group and I know I wasn't pacing fast enough with everybody else. I like hiking, but I don't really hike very often plus I wasn't in a good shape.

As I started to get difficult time to climb up to the top - between the rain and the steep and switch back trail, and getting less oxygen, I was thinking, how similar my life with this hike. Many times I feel so alone, nobody else is around me to help me. Many times I have to get everything by myself. In this cruel life, we can't always depend our lives to other people, because other people have their own thing in their life and they need to get going, they can't keep making stop to help us. Many people seem to be nice, but only a very very few of them can be good friends in our life.

As I went up to the top, I felt my heart was beating faster and faster, as I used all my energy, I couldn't breathe, I felt dizzy, and I really wanted to go back. But then I kept telling myself not to give up, I kept telling myself that I can do this. And I remember, many times in my life, I feel the same way, when I just wanted to give up everything because I felt I wouldn't have enough energy left to make my goal. When finally I hiked all by myself under the pouring rain - and hail started to fall down - all my clothes were soaking wet. I had to stop so many times, trying to get all my energy back before I can go on. A couple of times I prayed for I was so desperate and afraid being alone, and couple of times I caught up with one or two person from the group, and they are still strangers to me, but they gave their hands to help me. Just for a moment before they hiked faster than me and I was left behind again. But that was fine. Sometimes, strangers people came in your life giving you help. They won't be around forever. I know I can't always expect people to be with me all the time.

As I tried to climb up to the top, with all my fears that I would fall, the rain finally stopped. The sky finally looked clearer, and I can see the world below me. It was a magnificent view. The mountains, the trees, the rivers. I was thinking, how wonderful God to create a wonderful world. I felt how He touched me and reminded me to always make a best thing in my life, not only for myself, but for Him. And when the best thing happens, it will show His glory. At that moment, I thanked him for the gorgeous world that we live, and I will always thank him for everything He has done to me.

Going back was not an easy task. It was a steep trail, it was wet everywhere because of the rain and it was very slippery. I had to be really careful not to land myself on the ground or to break any part of my body. Many times I wanted to go faster for I know I would finish my hike, but I knew it would be dangerous for me. I had to be patient, stepping on each rock to feel if the rock is steady enough before I move on. Many times I want to get everything in a second, but I was reminded by Him that I just have to patient.

My rewards were getting myself in one piece- completely wet from the rain, and extremely sored and tired. But I did my hike, almost 7 miles in 7 hours, and there I was at almost 2,500 feet of elevation.
And I'll do my life. Difficult or not, God will be with me.

Green Fashion - Earth Friendly Clothing

2007-09-15T08:51:00.000-07:00

There are many ways to become earth friendly. If you love shopping for clothing, then you too, can contribute to the efforts of saving our planet. Something that you should keep in mind is that wearing cotton isn't being earth friendly. Why should you not wear cotton? Cotton requires a large amount of pesticides to be cultivated. Cotton requires more pesticides than any other crop. Nearly $2.5 billion is spent on pesticides every year to grow cotton. Among the pesticides, many of them harm the nervous system and the agricultural workers become sick easily. Furthermore, the pesticides pollute the soil and water. The dyes used to change the colors of cotton contains toxic metals, and with the dyes going down the drain as the clothes are washed, water is further polluted. Luckily, designers have now come up with more earth friendly fabrics for clothing. They have started using materials such as hemp, bamboo, organic cotton, and have also created what is called vegan clothing. You should be on the look out for clothing made out of these materials if you plan on helping save the earth!

1. What is hemp? The fibers from a plant called the cannabis are processed into the fabric. The reason why hemp is earth friendly is because it has low THC content, which is the hallucinogen found in marijuana.

Why it's good for the planet: Hemp doesn't require pesticides. In fact, it requires very little water and fertilizer to grow.
Why you should wear it: Hemp fiber lasts longer than cotton. It's hard to stain and is resistant to shrinking. Also, the colors won't fade as fast!

2. What is bamboo? Plant fibers from bamboo are woven to make fabric.

Why it's good for the planet: Bamboo doesn't require chemicals or pesticides. It's also a renewable source since it's one of the fastest growing plant.

Why you should wear it: It's more absorbent than cotton. It keeps you cool and more comfortable.

3. What is organic cotton? Cotton that is grown free of chemicals and pesticides. Look for clothing labeled "certified organic."

Why it's good for the planet: Organic cotton is grown with natural pesticides and fertilizers.

Why you should wear it: You'd be saving the earth in an infinite amount of ways!

4. What is vegan clothing? The term "vegan" explains the meaning of what vegan clothing is. Basically, it's clothing that is made without exploiting animals... which means no leather or wool.

Why it's good for the planet: No animals are killed or harmed.

Why you should wear it: Animals will stop going extinct.

Top Choices of Earth Friendly Stores:

1. American Apparel

2. Patagonia

3. Under the Canopy

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/264738/green_fashion_earth_friendly_clothing.html

Mission: Impossible?

2007-09-09T20:06:00.000-07:00

My first mission was accomplished! I've been wanting this red ballet-flat shoes and I got them today.

Aren't they cute????

My second mission will be quite impossible: I wanna MacBook Pro!!! Huaaaa......even after my student discount it's still gonna cost my fortune....hiks....

To live, and to love

2007-08-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

Life of a human
with soul searching for love
when people pass through
when people come
and go

We see lives everyday
we see people looking for love
some of of them found the one - some still in search
some of them can be a keeper; and found the eternal love
but many are the seeker, have to lose and start to search again

life of a human
- with flesh and blood and a mind of soul
is a journey
is a long one, is a short one
is a fairy tale, or a soap opera
all with different journey but with one destination,
to find love......

2007-08-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I still had some old posts that somehow - for whatever the reason - still in my draft and I hadn't published them. Some of them were extremely out of date and I just had to delete them...but some...hmm...I decided to post them as a memory of things I would like to remember....
Some things definitely had changed, but I believe that we all need memories to color up our lives..the good, and even sometimes, the bad ones.

No Me Ensenaste

2007-08-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

Llama no importa la hora que yo estoy aqui
entre las cuatro paredes de mi habitacion
y es importante al menos decirte
que esto de tu ausencia duele, y no sabes cuanto

Ven aparece tan solo comunicate
que cada hora es un golpe de desolacion
es demasiado aburrido no estar a tu lado

Ven que mi alma no quiere dejarte ir
que los minutos me acechan, aqui todo es gris
que alrededor todo es miedo y desesperanza

Ven que nunca imaginaba como era estar sola
que no es nada facil cuando te derrotan
que no se que hacer, y aqui no queda nada de nada

No me enseñaste como estar sin ti
Y que le digo yo a este corazon
Si tu te has ido y todo lo perdi
Por donde empiezo, si todo acabo
No me enseñaste como estar sin ti
Como olvidarte si nunca aprendi

Llama y devuelveme todo lo que un dia fui
esta locura de verte se vuelve obsesion
cuando me invaden estos dias tristes
siempre recuerdo mi vida, yo como te amo

Ven que mi cuerpo la pasa extrañandote
que mis sentidos se encuentran fuera de control
es demasiado aburrido no estar a tu lado

Ven que nunca imaginaba como estar sola
que no es nada facil cuando te derrotan
que no se que hacer, que aqui no queda nada de nada

No me enseñaste como estar sin ti
Y que le digo yo a este corazon
Si tu te has ido y todo lo perdi
Por donde empiezo, si todo acabo
Como olvidarte si nunca aprendi

No me enseñaste amor como lo hago sin ti

No me enseñaste como estar sin ti
Y que le digo yo a este corazon
Si tu te has ido y todo lo perdi
Por donde empiezo, si todo acabo
Como olvidarte si nunca aprendi

Thalia

en memoria de mi ex-novio

April 19, 2006

To the boy from the ocean

2007-08-12T17:49:00.000-07:00

Long after the death
of my long broken relationship
I finally awaken
I finally can feel the love again
with the boy from the ocean
who loves the sea with passion
whose wings are strong
and freely fly to wherever the wind blows

I love his freedom
and I adore his dreams
though I can’t get closer to him
and though I know this is only as close as I could get
I still linger in the chaos

no matter how hard I tried
I can’t reach you if you keep pushing me away

I ain't plead anymore...
I don’t want to force destiny
my dream speaks one language,
but reality speaks in its own

I don’t want to be only one
who always makes the call
so I will respect your choice
if this is what you want
I will follow
if this is what makes you happy
I will let you

You are the one who loves freedom,
fly now
I will just look at you
flying up in the sky
slowly but sure until you disappear from my sight

And I can only wish you the best for your journey

July 16, 2006

I had a dream...

2007-08-05T10:25:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night: I was in Hong Kong, walking along by myself in a hot humid cloudy day, the rain was just about to fall down to the earth. I felt so free. I knew soon I would meet my mom, and my dad. And I had shopping to do. No jobs due, no worriness, nothing.

I woke up and I realized, I am still here.

*sigh*

Dunno why I had that dream, perhaps because I was browsing my old blog yesterday...reading my own thoughts, my own memories. My sadness, my happiness. And I think I am missing home now.

I wrote this one about a year ago:

If only
God gave me a pair of wings
so I could fly
high above to the blue sky
and my wings were strong
so I would fly
thousands of miles
across the lands, across the oceans
fly to see those brown eyes I miss
always filled with so much love
to hold those wrinkle hands, yet, always covered with warmth

then I would fly to see the face
that is aging with time
but her passion would never be defeated
and her love is timeless
and for me, she will always be the same one
from the day I was born, until the end of time

If only I could have
a pair of wings
then I would fly
to you, Mother, my home and within your love

And yes, I met her last year too...and ever since that, I thought I was able to handle this feeling of being homesick. Well, I was wrong, this is like a virus that you can't ever cure. When you feel strong, you won't feel it, but when it comes to your deeper thoughts, you will realize that the feeling will always be there....

^_^

2007-08-03T15:29:00.000-07:00

I got promoted….
^_^

and I didn’t even see that coming. I felt that I missed my chance already,
twice, when out of nowhere my boss told me that I just got promotion.
Again, the best ting happened when you didn’t have any expectation.

Anyway, I feel I am making my dream comes true now, step by step, just a
baby step…..and I am still far from where I wanted my life to be. But I
started to see some progress in my life.

Happy Birthday...

2007-07-20T15:55:00.000-07:00

to me! ^_^

and it was celebrated with an earthquake! Yay! I was sleeping when all of sudden I felt that my bed was shaking....Not even sure what time it was...wasn't really sure weather it was only a dream or real, then I fell asleep again.

My mom texted me early in the morning :)
a couple of my co-workers wished my a happy b'day this morning :)
got a cute b'day card from my friend :)

and...
got an email with a b'day wish from someone, who I didn't expect at all! :))
and another person, who I thought would have forgotten about it, called me :))

smiling.........
I am happy now. Thank you God!

The only thing that is constant is change

2007-07-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

It's getting closer to my birthday, and somehow I wanted to stop for a moment and write a few things.

"sigh"
I feel so absurd. Lots of things happened since last year. I never really have any birthday wishes for myself...maybe a cake when I was little. In these past several years, sad things happened around the month of July, so I stop to wish for anything because I was too busy to force myself to move on.

Last year, perhaps a good one. I just started my job for a few months, everything seemed so new and exciting, I felt so many opportunities. Nice people to work with, great company, passion to learn new things...
I had my birthday dinner with some people from the choir (they cooked for me!). I remember that my heart was aching last year, cause something unexpected happened around end of June. But I moved on.

This year, people had gone. Everything changed. Like someone at work had said: "The only thing that is constant is change", even sad, I can't argue with that.
I lost my good friends from work and I miss them so much. I lost someone too, though how could I say that I lost something if I never have it?
Everything seems so political now at work (or maybe I just finally realized now as I immersed deeper and deeper). Another year almost gone by, and I still feel so unsure. I am still hurt - I know I'll be fine, but I will need time to heal myself. And move on to continue my journey to find God's will.

Deep down in my heart, I stopped wishing for "cake" and started wishing for a happiness. This year, I'll wish for the same thing.

headache...heartache

2007-07-04T19:38:00.001-07:00

headache....I think I drank too much...
heartache....though I have no tears to spill...

This is life, this is my life. A tough one, and always forces me to fight. No mater how tired I am...So many times I think, I have enough. I have no more energy to continue on....Even until now I am still walking in the dark and keep falling.

Again, I must say goodbye to the past, and I will take all the memories because it's only that I have now.

Then move on...trying to open a new chapter (again) and wishing I can finish it with a happy ending this time.

Sad Friday

2007-06-30T12:26:00.000-07:00

I lost 2 people yesterday. Life sucks sometimes....

Home sweet home.....

2007-06-25T18:54:00.001-07:00

Glad to be back! Miami was hot, and has too many lizards I must say....
Story will come later.

When people come, and go......

2007-06-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

So, another friend at work is leaving....and this one is the closest friend at work, I mean, I talk with her not only about work-related, but about other stuff like my personal life. I remember when I was down and tried to get over someone, she was always there for me and cheer me up with her laugh....

Now, I will be completely alone. One by one, people are gone.

I am really happy for her, especially knowing that which company that she's going to. And as for me...I guess I will still be stuck here for a while....

Good luck dude! I'll always remember you!

I feel....

2007-06-12T19:36:00.000-07:00

something is missing from me....and I know I miss S so much!!! :((
Miss someone else too, but, *sigh* I don't even know if I am allowed to have that such of feeling....

I am still holding off everything now....still living in a midst of clouds until I can figure out the next step I should do. In a meanwhile, I can only pray that I won't get hurt again, no matter what will happen....

My friend

2007-06-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

The day finally came, her last day at work. I am sad....lost another good person at work, lost someone to chat....and someone I can talk to.....

But I wish her a good luck, and the best for her next journey with her husband. And hope, oneday we will meet again, just like in the old days....

Lately...

2007-05-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

...things happened.
-My test result just came yesterday, and though it shouldn't be a major issue, I am still worried.
-Another speeding ticket, yaiks! Still dunno what should I do with it. Crap!
-Mom said her arthritis is getting worse....and I am thousands of miles away from her.
-Another friend at work is leaving...I will miss her so much, all our chats at work, all our lunch time together....
-And another unresolved problem. We had a good dinner for his birthday, but what next? I still dunno...or I guess, I just don't want to know now.

"Sigh"...life. Always a misery.

2007-04-28T11:05:00.000-07:00

Hmm....I actually don't really have anything to write...or perhaps too much that I don't even know how should I begin?

Anyway, I am living my life now. Couple of things happened at work....and I just can take a deep breath, and move on. One thing for sure, it's not easy working with someone who has tantrum.
Sometimes I feel so dull, that I am stuck here. But of course, looking back again at my past, what I have now is much better than before. Perhaps I am just complaning too much. I put so much patience to begin with this, what's wrong with another wait? Of course, people always say how nice I am, how easy I am to work with, still, I dont think I succeed, yet. And I don't know for how much longer I should wait?

So many things that are still up in the air....What happened last Wednesday at Trang's, what have happened all these past months. Reminded me how close I am for tears.

Sometimes I feel that I live in the misty air...How much I would like to have at least, one thing to settle down. Is it maybe that I am making my life more complicated than what it should be? And I still don't know the answer.

Happy Birthday Michael!

2007-04-22T11:25:00.000-07:00

Easter Vigil

2007-04-07T08:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went to the same church that I did last year...I guess since that the only one nearby here that has a complete Good Friday mass celebration in the evening. Hmm...I should start making some arrangement so I dont have to work every Good Friday. And this year I came back, didnt miss my Holy Thursday, yay!

Still debating now whether I should go to church for tonight and go again tomorrow, or maybe just go tomorrow on Easter Sunday....

2007-04-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my real post. And I dont really have anything to write now, just want to remind myself how I feel right now - so in the future when I need to look back I would know.
I am happy now....though I dont have any expectation, I dont dare to have it anymore I guess, in the past it would only bring me down to disappointment. But what I feel now, slightly reminded me with what I had a year ago. I dunno if this time is the right time? Yo no se. We'll see. So far everything is moving slowly, but I guess that's better right? So we can make a stronger foundation. Though I dunno what is the goal yet, but somehow I have belief. That's why, I want to prove to myself if this time my instinct is right, or not.....

So no, I dont want to push on anything...just let it flow this time.

Love her....

2007-03-25T18:53:00.000-07:00

Stephen, I have a difficult situation now. Look at my marriage. I'm really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other that we used to have. I guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?

The feeling isn't there anymore?

That's right. And we have 3 children we're really concerned about. What do you suggest?

Love her.

I told you, the feeling isn't there anymore.

Love her.

You don't understand. The feeling of love isn't there.

Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her.

But how do you love when you don't love??

My friend, love is a verb. Love - the feeling - is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Emphatize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?

"The seven habits of highly effective people, Covey"

Project Macys - finalist

2007-03-03T13:36:00.000-08:00

We got to the top 3 finalist - out of 12, but we didnt win :(

The team with Tim Gunn

Little black dress - designed by us

Rejection

2007-02-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

I finally found out today: I didn’t get the job. So, I applied for this position at the same company about couple of weeks ago, and I've been prayed all days hoping that I would get it, and I didn’t. And, I really don’t know how I feel now, cause I've built all my hopes and my exception until this afternoon, and the more expectation that you have, the bigger risk of disappointment that you will get. But, somehow I knew it was going to be like this, I don’t have a perfect life, and if I've gotten the job, that would make my life perfect.
And my good friend at work was the one who got it, and though I am happy for her, I cant deny that I am very jealous, for she has the opportunity to move forward while I am still stuck....

Perhaps, I was over-confident. Gosh! I don’t know....I really blew it up....don't want to think about anything now...All I want to do is just shut the world around me, and let me recover underneath my shell.

Story from Acapulco

2007-02-24T14:57:00.000-08:00

I posted some pics already, but without any story :)

I was flying there on Wed night - almost midnight, Feb 14. So it was like celebrated my Valentine's day with my girlfriends on the plane, three sum anyone? Arrived in Acapulco on Thursday morning. Checked-in our room, had lunch.....then get set for our first adventure: snorkeling. It was really fun! Love the weather, love the beach....and people were very friendly - perhaps because we always said greetings first in Spanish, plus my friend kept asking everybody's name. Man! I realized how bad my Spanish now, I should had practice my Spanish before I left.

Friday, we went to downtown - El Centro - and did some shopping for souvenirs. Went back to the Boca Chica Hotel and just laying down under the sun by the pool...what a perfect life. I went with Dinnah that night to the club, just to find put that the crowd were only some boys...really-really young, I bet they're only in early 20's.

Saturday, it's the day when I abused my body. First we rode the wave rider for 2 freaking hours! But it was hella fun! We went to the whole Acapulco bay, and went really close to the open sea. My butt was hurt badly after the riding. We closed the day by, again, swimming and tanning program, and my mistake, I didn’t put any sun block after the wave rider program, so by the end of the day I got serious sunburn. Huh! And I always told everyone, I don’t get sunburn: sunburn only for white people, not for asian. Well, I was wrong. When I told him about this, he was laughing and said: well, maybe the rule had changed for asian people who've been lived in SF for too long and don’t get the sun anymore. Sigh...my shoulder and my legs were totally hurt....I am ok now, but now I am feeling like a snake because my skin started to peel. Ouch!
later that night, we went to the club again, this time Jane was coming with us. And again, the crowd were totally freakish young boys...perhaps, 18?? Oh man! We were just laughing when we danced with them, felt like hanging out some kids. Got back to the hotel around 3am, and we just kept laughing and wandering, we met some old guys who were staying at the same hotel, really old, like...hm...50's? and we met this kids at the clubs, so where's the heck our guys??

Sunday, church time. But had no clue at all about the mass cause it was in Spanish, and seriously, our Spanish is not that amazing to understand the mass. But pretty much everything was the same with the regular mass we have here in US.
Not doing anything after Church....just did some souvenir shopping again, relax and had our last dinner.

Monday. That was it. Time to fly back home, our vacation had ended. And next time, got to remember to take direct flight on your way back home, cause we were really wasting our time by stopping by twice in Mexico City and Phoenix, AZ. And the stupid America West lost my luggage and Dinnah's. Though we got it delivered the next day and nothing was missing, it was not a good way for a closure after having so much fun.

.....Now here I am, back to the cold weather...gonna be 4 more months before I am going again for my next trip. Until then, I just have to manage to keep myself dry and warm. Plus, I am really happy to see him again....

Acapulco Trip

2007-02-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

tres margaritas, un pina colada

Boca Chica Hotel

sombreros

tres amigas

coco anyone?

Jane con mi

El Centro

Our shadows

Looked so happy

Acapulco airport

Pirate of the Caribbean

Houston, TX

By the rocks

La playa

Under the Acapulco sun

Beautiful view

tres amigas con el policia

smile!

before the ride

tomato kebab, anyone?

"Nine Million Bicycles"

2007-02-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a fact,
It's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die.

We are twelve billion light years from the edge,
That's a guess,
No-one can ever say it's true
But I know that I will always be with you.

I'm warmed by the fire of your love everyday
So don't call me a liar,
Just believe everything that I say

There are six BILLION people in the world
More or less
and it makes me feel quite small
But you're the one I love the most of all

We're high on the wire
With the world in our sight
And I'll never tire,
Of the love that you give me every night

There are nine million bicycles in Beijing
That's a Fact,
it's a thing we can't deny
Like the fact that I will love you till I die

And there are nine million bicycles in Beijing
And you know that I will love you till I die!

---

2007-02-07T21:25:00.001-08:00

“Soufflé! You are interrupting! Ok, I know you like her, but I like her
too, so, you have to wait, ok?”

Believe in miracle, even the smallest one.

2007-01-31T21:47:00.000-08:00

And that what happened to me today. Well, it's not about life and death, and perhaps for some people it would be considered just as a normal thing. But for me, I still feel so glad and I really think it's a part of scenario in my life.

So, I am taking this class every Wednesday at 4pm-7pm. Meanings that I have to leave early from work. Iffy. Just like today, my boss scheduled herself to have a meeting with me at 4pm. Bummer! Couldn’t say no, of course. So I thought, ok, meeting with her for an hour, leave from work at 5pm, get to the class at 5.30pm. But, on top of being late from my class, I had problem with my Spring registration. I couldn’t fix it through the phone call - had to go to the registration office. And they close at 6.30pm. So, even if I get at school at 5.30pm, should I go to the registration office first, or should I go straight to my class? Or should I go straight to my class and go back tomorrow to take care my registration?? For sure I can't do it tomorrow after work because we have this Project M meeting. So..should I go in the morning before work, or in the afternoon after lunch? But that means that I have to get an excuse to leave work in the middle of the day, and not sure if I can afford that with all my work load... Friday? The registration office close at 5pm, so I have to leave early then? And I knew I have to fix this problem asap if I still want to be in the class. Fii...faaa....fooo....foom. Panic. Couldn’t think clearly....

Then, at 3pm, my boss called and said she needed to push our meeting and reschedule it. PHEW!! And I was able to leave a bit early...still able to go to the registration office first....and finally rested my butt inside the class.

Everything happened for a reason. I almost give up this class because I was so afraid that I won't be able to work on my schedule. But now I believe, as long as I am stubborn enough (well, persistent, is the better word), I will get what I want. It still won't be a piece of cake, but I know I will be fine.
Don't ever give up guys! Never!

Amarantine

2007-01-28T13:44:00.000-08:00

You know when you give your love away
It opens your heart, everything is new
And you know time will always find a way
To let your heart believe it's true

You know love is everything you say
A whisper, a word, promises you give
You feel it in the heartbeat of the day
You know this is the way love is

Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is, love is, love

You know love may sometimes make you cry
So let the tears go they will flow away
For you know love will always let you fly
How far a heart can fly away

Amarantine
Amarantine
Amarantine
Love is, love is, love

You know when love's shining in your eyes
It may be the stars falling from above
And you know love is with you when you rise
For night and day belong to love

Arggghhhh!!!!

2007-01-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

I am doomed!!!!
Arrgghhhh! Yesterday was a hectic one. Got my new passport so now I am
ready to go, and to all my worriness, it was fine and got my name fixed.

But the problem was at the evening when I finally started my new Spring
semester.

So, here's what happened:
Before the holidays, I paid already for the spring semester without knowing
what class that I could take, then I realized I can only take 1 class. So,
I drooped myself from the registration and thought I could just take the
class from the open university that would save me $600! I was wrong,
totally wrong! And it was all my mistake cause I should have checked the
rules first; I cant take any class from open uni as my status is a regular
student.

So! I was running back and forth from the class to my advisor office, try
to get her proof for me to be able to take the class. And I finally did
after spending 2 hours. Then, when I tried to pay for the open uni, I got
rejected - as my status is regular student - so I tried to pay on-line at
the student office, and I still couldn't pay on-line until I realized that
of course I couldn't, cause I was late (on-line payment only available
before the class started) already. Tried to pay from the office - the
window was just closed 5 mnts earlier.

Long story short - instead of saving myself $600, I have to pay another
late fee and etc etc fees for about $40 or maybe $50.

Arggghhhh!!!!

My brother's wedding pictures

2007-01-18T21:50:00.003-08:00

Leaving to church

It's legal now

Maria Bunda Karmel, Jakarta

Entering the church

A bible for the bride

The bride and the groom

The happy family

The bride, the groom, and a little sis

I'm in!

2007-01-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

for Project M!! It's gonna be like Project Runways....and Tim Gunn himself will be the judge. Even my boss was very pleasant when she knew I was chosen....she gave me a very nice compliment.

Anyways....I am looking forward for that...hopefully I can do my best and get the pizza party. Wish me luck!

A little note for 2007...

2007-01-01T20:46:00.000-08:00

Another new year just began...

This year, I didn't feel that I was chasing Christmas, though I just finally got free from my hectic schedule a week before Christmas. But...I dunno, I didn't feel that I missed Christmas, nor that I got a perfect feeling. I felt...nothing, nada. Sigh...is that a bad sign?
I spent my Christmas at my sis, and she made me suprised with one thing, that I feel...sad for my nephew....But, I can't do much, can only pray that He will open my sister's heart...that my nephew will get enough foundation to live his life in this crazy world....

2007. Another new year. I got some what I wished for 2006: went home to visit my parents, and learned guitar. And a peaceful mind? I guess I should put that on my 2007's list...

But I don't have any big expectation...Just a happy live...

Happy New Year's!

A year after

2006-12-17T09:52:00.000-08:00

December 2006. I remember another December I had last year...I remember how I felt. And yesterday, I knew I still have the same feeling, though I know also I have to keep my common sense on top of all. And I think I'm doing pretty much a good job here. I am happy to get a chance to see and to talk. And nothing more. This time I won't let myself fallin again.

Sometimes I even wonder why my heart is so stubborn, or is it because of my own ego? I dunno. Well, it is all what it is. I won't ask for more, I'll take another quest and another journey. I closed this chapter already.

Dec 16, 2006

HK Trip

2006-12-08T22:55:00.000-08:00

Bird Market

Victoria Harbour

Peak Tram

HK, The Peak

HK, view from The Peak

Central, HK Island

Central, HK Island

Shopping!

Temple Street at night, HK Nov 2006

Story from a far...

2006-12-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Gosh! It's December already....why do I feel it was just like yesterday when I had my last Christmas, and now it's coming again.....

Many things happened lately....my trip to HK and Indonesia. Finally I decided to go home.....and although I couldn't find anyone to be my tour guide, I strengthened my heart to take my solo trip to HK. And....it was a piece of cake! Public Transportation is very easy and convenient in HK, and I didn't have any problem at all walking around in HK, alone. All I had just my travel guides (which I had read before I left) and a map from my Hongkonese friend who lives in SF, so I knew already where I wanted to go. Well, not completely 100% convenient, the only problem I had was getting food, cause apparently, neither of the restaurant has menu in English.
Surprised...huh? And....somehow, I think, HK is less western that what I imagined before. Hm...is it because they've been under PRC for these past years, well, almost 10 years since 1997.

But anyway, I am happy with my trip there....spent about 2.5 days only, but I did some sightseeing and some serious shopping. And, I had the cheapest mojito ever! Hah!

I arrived in Jakarta on Tuesday night, Nov 21 2006. To answer people's question, I went to Indonesia for my big bro's wedding. If not...hmm...probably I still wouldn't go there.

First day in Jakarta, I had stomachache, diarrhea, after I ate Padang food. Hehee....too much appetite huh? And I thought I wont have any stomachache.....Luckily my mom had guessed and prepared some diarrhea medicine already. And I had headache! Gosh! The weather and the traffic! All the chaos.....I heard from friends how Jakarta had changed in these past years....but still, I was amazed when I experienced myself. Seems that the city is developing with no structure at all....too many shopping malls, to many cars, too many motorcycles. But I don't think there are too many people, well, maybe because I have seen more people in China. What worse, Jakarta's public transportation is really really terrible....there's no safety at all and very savage. So many people preferred to drive even though they knew it's traffic. And even though they knew that gas is very costly...and even though they knew cars are very expensive there.....

I spent my first week helping out my mom in preparing my bro's wedding.
And...my heart was aching when I saw how suffered my parents are....For them, having their child's wedding with no reception, was a humiliation. My family is not a rich family. We have been struggling financially ever since I was very young. I learned what the value of money since I was only....cant' even remember...under 10 yr old? I still remember when I asked for new clothes my mom honestly said that she didn't have enough money and I had to wait.....
Perhaps, that's one of the reasons why I love clothes so much now.

And it's very sad to see how they've gotten into financial problem again, while their age are old already. They should have started thinking about retirement, but the fact is, they still have to fight with getting enough money. And when they finally realized they couldn't afford to have reception for my bro's wedding (while he has the same problem), they decided to "just" have the wedding in the church...with embarrassment.
Thing that I can't understand. Is it wrong when you don't have money? Is it wrong when you are poor? I know it's wrong when you steal from others. But, having no money, shouldn't be a humiliation. As long as we are rich in spirit, that's all matter. I argued with my mom about this, that it is really not necessary to have a wedding with reception. Even I know what's the point of getting married: to join 2 people in love in a holy matrimony, to be sacred united in God. And not to feed other people. It is fine if you can afford to do so, but I really don't think that it is a necessity.....
But I couldn't argue with her for too long....I saw that my parents were having a hard time already, so I bit my tongue and held off my words.....I came to be with them, in a short period of time but to be happily spend some times with my family. I didn't come to give them a lecture....

So I was enjoying my time there, seeing my parents everyday....talked to my mom every time I wanted to....and I was happy I got a chance to see some of my good friends....and to see my childhood friend after haven't seen her for about 19 years! Got drunk, got headache, got stomachache..... but I was happy.

I left my home country on last Sunday.
It was hard for me to leave my mom....but....*speechless* ............
Gave her my last hug, swallowed my tears and went inside the airport to catch my flight. It will be a while until I can see her again...And I can only wish and pray for her, for the best of everything.....And I hope God would give us time. Nobody lives forever, and many times I feel I am chasing the time, trying to get the best for her while I could...

leaving on a jet plane

2006-11-17T19:05:00.000-08:00

....in the next couple hours...to the far away land. I've prepared myself so I hope I will survive....

Until next month!

2006-11-07T17:58:00.000-08:00

********sigh**************
I have thousands of words in my thought, that I just can't spell it out.
I am doomed. Never thought I had to shed my tears again.
Still, at the end, I am questioning God's will. The whole mystery that I can't figure out. If this is what God wants, what can I say? Can I argue with God and try to change my destiny? Is this the way He is shaping my faith?

I am tired of this tangle life....everything always comes as a question without a single answer. But, does it matter to know the answer? If the fact has to be accepted, does it matter to know what the reason?

A peaceful mind, O Lord....that's all I ask for now....

Happy Halloween!!

2006-10-31T17:43:00.000-08:00

and hope you all a spooky Halloween ^_^

Reason to love

2006-09-23T10:51:00.000-07:00

Do you really need a reason to love? Or is love really blind and you could fall in love right away, right there, whether it's right or wrong?

Once you could fall in love with a person without ever knowing why, even after you're questioning to yourself you still don't know why. You just fall in love. Even after the person was gone and you've cried all days and all weeks and all months, the love is still there.

Or, once you could fall in love because you have so many reasons for: he/she is nice, charmed, smart, kind...and he/she loves you. Now in this case, you love him/her back.

So, which one is better? I always thought that love comes without any reason, even with all the logic in this world, love is still blind and fool. Of course the best scenario is when you fall for someone and the person loves you back. But how if the case was reversed and that person loves you first, and then you could love him/her back. In the end, seems that you love someone for a reason.

My mom told me when I was young: go explore the world of dating, don't stick with the same guy for too long when you're still young. What a kewl mom! But of course, I always bounced back and never listened to her. It's proved that what she said was right...I'd closed so many opportunities because I didn't listen to her. And she told me that once you got the experience, you will see how to value a guy from his truth, and not from his bullshit. Not gonna say I've graduated from her lesson yet, and still in the learning process. But now I understand her thoughts. And finally she said that for me to be with someone who loves me first and then I could love him back, because a woman will be more faithful, and she could make the relationship works when a man loves her so deep, but it's not that simple in the reversed cased. Hmm...I wonder why, a man is not as faithful as a woman?

Anyways, just a wondering thought is it right to love someone because you do have a reason, meanings that you take that as a granted? Or is love really there, tangled and uncovered, but it's exist without any reason....?

BPS`Award

2006-09-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

Another BPS Award today, another day off from work.

I remember the first one, when I was rushing back into the city from San Rafael to catch "my date". That was...7 months ago. Times go by so fast, and people come and go so quickly.

I woke up this morning feeling so sad, feeling so afraid of losing something that I don't even have it yet. Funny, ironic? I dunno. Another hope with another fear....

Anyways, I love my SVP. She is so passionate about her job, so much in love with the company, and always gives us so much of inspiration. Wishing hard that she still gets her chance to become one the chairman, that would be awesome! And the funny thing when the caterer said that fashion people eat salad three times more than the other groups...hahaaaa.....I thought that was really hilarious. Hmm....yeah, even on the lunch break at work, I can always hear when people are shaking or tossing their salads. Be skinny and keep skinny.

Well, this was a fun day, I got a chance to explore the SF Zoo after the event, and saw my fav: polar bears! Yeah!

Sleeping Sun

2006-09-04T12:09:00.000-07:00

Shoes oh shoes...

2006-08-27T12:31:00.000-07:00

I'm in a mission: organizing my shoes. Finally I did some inventory, and so far, I have 44 shoes, including 3 sneakers, 5 boots, 1 ugg, 3 flip-flop. I am still dividing (or trying to decide) how many dressy shoes and how many casuals ones, cause they're all so look alike.

Anyway, my next mission is to take all the pics for all my shoes (yey!!, print them out and put on each of the shoe-box, because so far I always make a pick-a-boo everytime I need to look one of them, try to remember which box that the last time I put my red shoes, or my blue ones??

So wish me luck for my mission now, it's gonna be a long one for taking picture of 44 shoes, and putting the pic on 44 shoe-boxes....

Rebound

2006-08-26T19:27:00.000-07:00

Weird. I appreciated how he didn't use me as a rebound. And now, just to forget him, I have to use someone else as my rebound???

Oh well, I don't know if I should feel angry or not, knowing the fact that as these times, for almost 6 months, I was being an idiot and he never thought that I am existed.

Deep breath, SalmonRose, I told myself. Move on! You have the other options that will give a better one, much rather than this person.

Yet, I am not ready to be nice.

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Lonely

2006-08-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Lately I have this odd feeling inside me. And now I keep questioning myself: where am I at, where am I going to? Is it really worth what I have done so far? It's not that I can't be grateful of what I have now, but I just don't know if I made the right choice?

And strange enough, how this girl from the past -whom I used to hate with all my breath, and lives at the other side of this country- feels the same way. How solitaire she is, how she feels the loneliness, how she doesn't care with the world anymore. Everytime I know more about her, I feel that I am mirroring myself. No wonder that one time my ex couldn't make his mind up and make a decision.

I grew up in loneliness. It has covered me so close then I feel so much comfort for being alone. I ain't a complete anti-social person, but I still enjoy myself in a solitude. I remember my early adulthood (or late teenager?), how then pain came and torturing my life. I was young, naive, and so blinded by love. I remember broken heart, endless nights with tears on my face. I wasn't deeply in love with someone, but I was deeply in love with myself. Thought I was a princess and when I found out that I didn’t have the world, I was torn. There was time when I had to hurt my own body so I didn't have to feel the pain in my heart. There was time I had to cut my flesh so I didn’t have to bang my head on the wall. There was time with no sleep, and I was awake with cigarettes and alcohol. Thanks God I kept some of my brain that I didn’t touch any drugs, at all.
I was hurt, and I know I hurt someone else too.

Then came when I thought I was almost to become a complete person, till the pain came again. Infidelity, dishonesty, disgrace. Questions that I had to answer, and an answer that I never had expected. That time I wasn't crying anymore. I ate so many tears and pain that I had no strength to cry. Another endless nights, and though I was much closer to Him at that time, I still took a very deathful decision, and even until now, I don’t know if God will ever take my sin for that. I regret what I did, but there was no turning back. I have to keep move on and living my life with a bloody memory.

I put all those things behind now. Trying to live a new life. Some memories are not able to forget. I gained what I have now with my own. And how sometimes I am still amazed how I become so independent now. I still don't have the world, but now I know I am not a princess and I am not expecting more.

And then in a perfect time when the blue moon comes, I feel so much alone. And I realized how being independent has made me even closer to the loneliness. I know I’ve made my choice. The best one that I can do for the sake of the most important people in my life now: my parents. And it’s ironic, how I hope to make them happy by being thousands miles away from them.

Yet, this is just a life, not a perfect life. I, who comfort the solitude, finally feels lonely.

And I'll keep my questions, and a prayer to answer them....

whinner

2006-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

Definitely when you got less sleep, plus with the influence of alcohol, everything will seems worse.

I am such a whinner today....for those of you who became my trash can, sorry guys....didn't mean to put you into this (though you all have been great listeners for me....). Thanks a lot!!
And I'll try to do my best to change the situation.....

Congrats!!!

2006-07-26T19:19:00.000-07:00

Proficiat for Vox Angelorum. Gosh!! I am so proud and so happy...and almost drop my tears....had all the goosebumps when I heard about that exciting news: Gold Medal for Musica Sacra a cappella, and Silver medal for Mixed Choir.

So proud...though I wish I was still part of it...but, I am so happy, I even sent my mom a text message to let her knows, I guess now everybody at church already heard about this news!

click below for more information:
World Choir

my broken bridge

2006-07-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

Can you re-build the broken bridge? Though I didn't burn it with fire, it would still be difficult to do. But I have decided to try. It was me who destroyed it, now it's my turn to fix it.

I still don't know if this is the right thing to do? At least, the missing number has just returned (NY, huh?), and it was truly a rainbow on my birthday.

Well, again, I will just have to ask Him, if He agrees that the bridge would need to be re-build and make it to the end of my journey, I'll do. But if not, I can't against His will, can I?

deja vu

2006-07-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

I asked my Lord
to make someone disappear
if that what His will
I guess, be careful on what you wish
cause now He had answered my prayer
still, I am puzzled with reality
trying to absorb with my tiny human brain
asking how could it be?
The creator of the world works in His way
and I would never understand that
this is what I asked
and like magic, the impossible thing seems to be possible
like deja vu
suddenly I know what the reason of the disappearance
not logically
but I would accept in my confusion
because that what He has done for me

Another tsunami??

2006-07-17T21:26:00.000-07:00

Gosh!! I almost can't believe my eyes when I read the news this morning at work: another tsunami in Indonesia...people died were "only" 80, and this evening when I read the news online again, the number jumped into 260 people died....I really hope tomorrow morning there won't be any change for those number, it's a matter of people who died, and suffered...

I just can't believe what's happening now in my country...disaster of disaster just keeps coming by, people just dying everywhere....

And now, how many more people have to die....?

A night in Manila

2006-07-15T22:21:00.000-07:00

My singing friends just threw an early birthday party for me today, now I am so stuff with bagoong and adobo. It was a nice thing for me to have them celebrate my birthday. Though I don't speak their language (and actually that was fine, as long as there is food - despite my body size, I am a big eater - I would be fine, no matter where I am and no matter who the people surround me, and what kind of language), but I didn't feel like an outcast.

Besides, sincerity, honesty and kindness speak in their own language. I don't have to be able to speak Tagalog to understand that.

The answer that I'm looking for....

2006-07-14T10:32:00.000-07:00

I feel….disappointed. Never thought how less my value is, just when I thought I am more than just a person passing by. But I must stop here, I can’t keep on trying to fly when I know I broke my wings….I must try not to get to close with the fire when I know how much it could burn me…and I’ve been burned already.

I know, I know….I know what to do, I just, *sigh* just can’t believe that this is it. As if I am nothing, I am nobody. And it hit me so bad when I realized that…..after all these times, after what I’ve gone through…It's not that I was an important person, but I thought, at least, I was something....

And the second one came when I realized, someone else just flushed me out from life...no email, no number, nothing. Not that I was surprised, especially if I remember what I did, and I deserved to be flushed out. It just that, sometimes I just can't believe how fast people move on, and haw fast their lives go on.

Another question and need another answer...a few years ago I was fighting just to get a single answer without any luck, and I decided to surrender and gave up. Now, I don't know if I will ever get my answers while I've been trying to find, or should I just let go, move on with the rest of people, and just keep the question silently inside my heart?

IL DIVO

2006-07-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in love...with four guys....:))
Nahh...it's not what you're thinking, what I meant is, I'm in love with Il Divo, four guys with amazing voices and dress in Armani suits. What not to love about that, huh?

Anyway, I saw their concert last week on July 1st with Jeff, and, it was a breath-taking. Before, I hate concert, because concert reveals the real voice of the singer, and makes their recording sounds fake. BUT! Il Divo is really different, no flaw with their ability of singing. During the concert, they sang in perfect pitch and perfect melody. Even as a female, I envy their voices.

When I was little, I used to listen to The Three Tenors because they're my dad's favorite. I like them too, but sometimes, it's just too classical for me. But listening to their voices had trained me to get used with good quality of singing. And Il Divo, with their pop-classical kind of style, has made me to like them more, a lot. And believe me, listening to these guys singing in Spanish, Italian, and French -though I have no clue what the meaning, except the ones in Spanish- is really such an enjoyment for your ears, and feelings. Well, mostly all their songs are about LOVE, yeah, what not to like about listening to love songs? ^_^

So now, I am officially one of their fans. I have all their albums, and can't wait till their 3rd album comes out.

And just a little note, if any of you are expecting a true-opera style from Il Divo, you might yourself in disappointment, because they are not. I say they are more to a pop-crossing-classical, meaning their songs are very easy to listen. And that’s why they still have one person in vox-populi instead of all tenors or put one more baritone, to get into the pop-culture market. And I think that’s what Simon thought when he created this group.

The Devil Wears Prada

2006-07-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

I wanted to see this movie ever since I saw the preview: I have the book, read it and I think it's great. The movie, it's ok; the glitch, I can't really see Meryl Streep as Anna Wintour resemblance, and when I read the book, I always have imagined Mrs Wintour as Miranda Priestly. But anyway, for fashionistas, it's a must see movie (many times I really get the picture of my work when I saw that movie). And for my friend, she said how Mrs. Priestly reminds her with her real boss. Poor her, I feel really sorry and wish I can do more than just asking how is she? Her last day will come soon, and she is forced to do that. She doesn't want to leave the company, but her situation made her to leave.

Prada, Gabbana, Chanel. Sigh....I can translate that with Tommy, Nine West, Calvin Klein.

In the end, we all have to make our choice. And as always, NY looks so wonderful, even when I thought I forgot about her, every time I feel that she calls me to come to her....

At least, I really have no regret that I am not working in the field that I studied in college. I know how people always think that fashion people are dumb and stupid (in some occasions, yes, I would have to agree with, but can you imagine all the intrigues and how fast it evolves? All about changes, and that's what makes me so obsessed about it) while all engineers are clever and smart. I have fought with so many people including my dad for my own choice, just because I decided to follow my passion and desire instead of his. Although I must be ready: to be thought with the same stereotype. But it won't bother me anymore. I know myself, and I know I made the right choice.

Keep on walking

2006-06-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

It’s ok
I told myself
if this is the end of my journey
cause I won’t stop here
for I will keep on walking

It’s fine
if this is not a happy ending story
that I am not a Cinderella
I will not shed my tears
and I will keep on walking

don’t tell me to stop (for I won’t)
don’t tell me to mourn (for I’ll never do)
but you can tell me
to keep on walking (I know I will)

in my life, within my journey
I know I will fall
I know I have fallen
but I’ll be strong
with my own strength
because I know, I will always walk
through the end of the road

and I will keep on walking
I told myself
and I will always do

My Final Chapter

2006-06-19T22:45:00.000-07:00

It's all done. I closed another chapter in my life.
I have prepared myself with the worst scenarios, so in the end when it
finally happened, well, at least it didn't feel like a lightning struck.
I had several bad scenarios in my thought plus the worst one, and as if
this was a test, reality checked on those scenarios including the worst.

Well, I won't say that I'm not affected at all. Sad, disappointed,
confused, they're all mix in my heart. But it won't make me fall, I had
much worse than this in the past, so I'll be fine. Maybe I will need some
times to heal, and it shouldn't take long.

So....that was it. My journey for about...hmm....well, half a year? Maybe
longer if I consider the very first time, and that was about a year ago.

Now I know, God had answered my question. I had some conversation with Him
about this, and again, He and I don't have the same decision, but I know
whatever He says, will be the best for me.

I'll be fine.

Mama (Il Divo)

2006-06-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

A very beautiful song. Mothers, listen to this one....

Mama thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times
I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love,You sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed
along the way

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
I miss you, I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong
Dry your eyes

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed
Along the way
And I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

(Jeff...thanks for the mp3! ^_^)

Next!

2006-05-26T13:47:00.001-07:00

It was about 2 weeks ago actually, but as I was totally swamped w/ wrapping
up my school, so I just get a chance to write now.

I was volunteering for Baker Beach clean-up on Friday, hmmm....2 weeks ago.
It's an event that was held by my company and the Golden Gate National
Recreation Area. It was fun! What we did actually was not glamour at all, I
mean, we did enjoy the sun (eventually it was so sunny that day, lucky us,
cause Baker Beach could be so cold when there's no sun), and we removed
some plants because they were not native plants; some of them came from
Africa and Europe (apparently not only human who migrate from one
country/continent to another, but also other living creatures). Those
non-native plants need to be removed otherwise they would invade the native
plants. Hm....hope we need only to do this in plants world, not in human's
world.

Anyway! I was having lots of fun: fighting with several stubborn roots
while twisting my body. Most of the plants grew around the slope so it was
difficult to get a good position for pulling out the roots. When I woke up
in the next morning, my body was sored sooooo bad....But it was a good day,
just like gardening on a sunny day. My skin got so dark now, plus I went to
Santa Clara on the next day for Kara's birthday (OMG!!! She was so cute!!!!
Can't believe she's 2 yr old now, I still remember when I was babysitting
her when she was only 4 months old....). Spending almost my whole day in
the park down in Santa Clara on a sunny day? Yeahh....it was hot,
literally. That time, I felt so glad that I live in the city, though it's
foggy very often, it's never been so hot like other cities.

In my old days, I would probably try so hard to get my skin lighter again,
but now I gave up with the power of sunlight. Besides, if you keep being
concern about 2 concepts of beauty in 2 different worlds, you'll just
making yourself nuts.

So...now after my school is done....I have the whole time but have nothing
to do....."sigh"...I need to start looking for something to fill in my free
slot.

Or...maybe I should just chillin' out and save my energy for the next coming battle.
Yeah...

Saat kau pergi

2006-05-22T19:59:00.000-07:00

entah mengapa hatiku terus gelisah
apa yang kan terjadi
air mata pun jatuh tak tertahan
melihatmu terdiam

ternyata kau pergi tuk selamanya
tinggalkan diriku dan cintaku

apa kau melihat
dan mendengar
tangis kehilangan dariku

baru saja
ku ingin kau tahu
perasaanku padamu

mungkin Tuhan tak izinkan sekarang
kau dan aku bahagia

apa kau melihat
kau mendengar
kau melihat

Farewell to The Charmed Ones

2006-05-21T21:18:00.000-07:00

Let me reveal one secret: I am a huge fans of Charmed. Yup...another victim from Mr Spelling's creation. I remember when the first time I saw the series when I was in US, hmm....1999, and my sis told me that the series were played since a year prior to that. Then when I had to leave and I was back to my hometown, I found that the series were gonna be played there. I was so happy at that time, I even told everybody who wanted to listen how good the series. I remember how Prue left, and how Paige came abroad....once again they were the three charmed ones.

A couple of months ago, I stopped watching them cause I was barely at home on Sunday evening, then when I was forced to be at home again on Sundays evening, I found my enjoyment again by watching them, until today.

Today was the series finale episode. Yup. Series finale, not season finale. That's it. There will be no more for the charmed ones. No more Piper, Phoebe, or Paige. And from the show tonight, it was kinda showing all the flashbacks from all the characters (almost hoped that Prue would show-up, but nope). There they were, everyone found their true loves, and live happily ever after. And not for being corny, but seeing how the series that I've been watching for 7 years ended, I think I have the right to...put some moments here. And to be sad a little bit.

Yet, the show must go on, or maybe it will be right to put: the show must ended.
Take a bow, and let the curtains down....

Almost done...

2006-05-21T18:57:00.000-07:00

I finally passed writing class. Yippy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've met the GET requirement so I can take my thesis. Phew!!!! After spending all my weekends writing and writing...this is really a relief. I was so scared I wouldn't pass, cause I felt I didn't do well on the final essay. This class has made me concerned so much, cause I know once I fail this, I can't take my thesis.
So this is really great news for me.

Almost done! One more final to go....then I can finally take a deep breath. Well, it should be 2 more actually, and hmm...for a moment, I was really really tempted to take the final for my China-business class (I don't have to, my grade is not as good as I wanted to, but is save enough for not taking final test), but when I opened up my notebook, my eyes stucked into the first word: confucianism; went on to the second one: buddhism, then about the earth, yin and yang ideology, joint venture, etc etc etc....Nahhh....never mind. This time I will accept my non-A grade.

I still have a big giant textbook to read anyway.

from SF with love

2006-05-14T00:12:00.000-07:00

If only
God gave me a pair of wings
so I could fly
high above to the blue sky
and my wings were strong
so I would fly
thousands of miles
across the lands, across the oceans
fly to see those brown eyes I miss
always filled with so much love
to hold those wrinkle hands, yet, always covered with warmth

then I would fly to see the face
that is aging with time
but her passion would never be defeated
and her love is timeless
and for me, she will always be the same one
from the day I was born, until the end of time

If only I could have
a pair of wings
then I would fly
to you, Mother, my home and within your love

Happy Mother's Day
May 14, 2006
San Francisco

Viva Mr Groban!!

2006-05-04T23:04:00.000-07:00

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take a look at him, he's so cute!!!!! Is this guy for real or what?
Ok, we know he sings amazingly, he plays piano well, now he plays drums?

COOL!!!

To my hunny bunny

2006-05-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

Yesss....that will be you, the one that I have known for more than 10 years (almost 12 to be exact). Hope everything is okay for you. Though I might not be able to pick up the phone and chat hours as I used to do, you will always be my hunny bunny....kekee.....

Anima Christi

2006-04-30T15:19:00.000-07:00

Soul of Christ, sanctify me
Body of Christ, save me
Blood of Christ, inebriate me
Water from the side of Christ, wash me
Passion of Christ, strengthen me
O good Jesus, hear me
Within your wounds hide me
Separated from you, let me never be
From the evil one protect me
At the hour of my death, call me
And close to you bid me
That with your saints, I may be, praising you forever and ever. Amen

for the unforgetful and unforgiven....

Temptation waits

2006-04-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

One more week...

but I can't guess what will happen next.
Things happened along the way, and there's no stairway to heaven. I can only wait and see what next.
Que sera sera...what will happen, happens.

(Another) tough week!

2006-04-20T23:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah..again, it's been a quick and painful week. I slept only about 6 hrs every night...tried to catch up with all my tests and projects and essays and work. For all of you, trust me, unless you lost your mind like I did, don't ever try to take your school full time (specially if you are in a graduate school) and also work full time (and of course, it's only 40 hours/week in a perfect world, which doesn't apply in my world). The worst thing, though I've been trying to really catch up and studying hard...I still can't get the best. The last 2 test I took in this week...errr....I can guess what I will get...mal. I think as I'm getting older, my brain can't perform as well as when I was...err...younger? I remember it was so easy to study, and now, either because of the brain malfunctions, or because I really have too many tasks....

Plus, I miss having fun. I really love being busy, I do, but sometimes, I feel so guilty when I am away too long from my assignments. And the weather has been so nice lately...makes me just want to throw away everything and just laying down on the beach with my apple martini...

Anyway, this week should end soon, so fast, and the best for this week when I know I don't have to get my X-ray test. Hmm...yeah...the story began when we knew that someone in my class is positive with TB. Tuberculosis (TB) is a disease caused by bacteria called Mycobacterium tuberculosis. The bacteria usually attack the lungs. But, TB bacteria can attack any part of the body such as the kidney, spine, and brain. If not treated properly, TB disease can be fatal. TB disease was once the leading cause of death in the United States. My sis also added that SF has the largest number of TB among the other cities. Perfect!

Surprise surprise, the person is an Indian student...of course, another sample of developing country who hasn't developed well enough. Anyway, about a week ago we all got an email from the University Health Center about this and we are required to take the test, and the first step is the skin test. If we failed the skin test, then we have to take the X-Ray to make sure we are not infected. And of course, this is a must, all of the students have to take the test, we even got a letter from the City (with our lovely Mayor's name). And what scared me so much, cause I know I got BCG when I was young, most likely my skin test will come with a positive result. But somehow, it didn't, I got a NEGATIVE result!! Hooray!!! I don't have to get an X-ray (imagine going to General Hospital and spent 1 hour to get parking and 4 hours to take the X-ray...), this is very relief for me. There was even a second when I thought that maybe, somehow I got infected already (looking back my old habit and my old environment, yeah....that was paranoid), but hey, I feel 100% healthy now...One was down...now I can stop being worry about....

Easter Rabbits

2006-04-16T10:35:00.000-07:00

First, NO, I am not a rabbits' lover (I am just an animals' lover), but, it's Easter anyway, and I think these guys are cute (Ren....hold your breath and stop drooling!)

brown twins

twins...with blanket

white

on the top

huge!

gray rabbit

angora rabbit

Unordinary Lenten

2006-04-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

Le'me tell you bout my Good Friday. This is the very first time I went to the evening mass here (after searching on the Archdiocese website try to find the evening mass for Passion of Lord, which is, unbelievable rare), cause this is the first time I have a normal work schedule on Fridays. Previously, I was always able to get off early on Fridays so I went to the noon mass. And before that, I didn't even work on Good Fridays...Yeah...welcome to US, where you can lose the meaning of Easter and when you lost your privilege to practice on your religion.

Anyway...I found a small church in my neighborhood that had evening mass today, so I went there. As I thought it would be hard to get parking, I just took the train, but in the middle of the way, we got stopped and got to get off...apparently there was an accident: a car hit another train that came from the opposite direction, but the car's position was on the middle of the trail (hope the car's driver; or passenger, were okay...) The train from both directions were totally stucked, and the train that I took got to stop. Ouch! And it was only 15 mnts before the mass started, I was 11 blocks away...What should I do? Though I was thinking to go back home and get my car, I couldn't unless I want to walk..and I would rather walk to the church...and that what I did. I was walking 10 blocks in...less then 15 mnts...walked as fast as I could....

I was outta breath when I came (finally!). And it was really a very little tiny church, literally, the smallest church I've ever been in my life, and also the most modest one. There are only 2 columns, and about, 8 rows, I guess? But, it was nice...I like the atmosphere, and the choir was good!! It went fine actually, until came the distraction: a guy who looked like a homeless (oh yeah, the neighborhood is not that nice) walked in about 10 mnts after the mass started, and sat in front of me. My thought was: OMG! I got to move, or I got to hold my breath...luckily, he didn't smell. But! The next distraction came when he just can’t sit still, and couldn't keep the silence, he kept saying: "Yeah!", put his finger with metal sign to anyone who wanted to see, kept mumbling comments that I couldn't hear it, and, kept scratching his body till I finally wanted to scratch myself. I tend to do that: scratch myself when I see someone's scratching, or cough when someone's coughing.
So, it was quite a distraction for me....then, he took out a comb out of nowhere and starting brushing his hair and his beard very hard (he has long hair)...I know it's a bad thought, but I couldn't help myself on thinking: ouch, does he have any flea? Tried to move bit by bit away from him...

In the middle of moving away from him, I saw him started to move and grab his belonging (a huge backpack and I could see a blanket inside), and he went away before the offertory. Yeah! I didn’t have to scratch then!
"try to be nice to homeless people, still I found it difficult to do, especially in the situation when I didn't prepare....oh well, hope he found a bit of peace before he left..."

So, that’s bit story from today. In overall, I must say that this is the unordinary Lenten season for me. I started my Ash Wednesday in the early morning-first time ever-, I went on Saturday for Palm Sunday-first time ever, cause I had my choir schedule that day, I didn’t know it was going to be the same like Sunday. I was thinking to go again on Sunday actually, but since it was all the same and I got my palm already, so I didn't go twice.
Sadly enough, I didn't go yesterday on the Holy Thursday...I couldn't. I got class and I really couldn’t afford to ditch. Again, first time EVER, I didn't go on Holy Thursday, in ALL of my life. Even when there were times in my life when I went to church only on Xmas and Easter, I always went for the whole 3 days in Holy week...

Tomorrow, most likely I won't go and I'll go on Sunday (my normal Holy week actually Thursday, Friday and Saturday Vigil). But let's keep that open for a while...we'll see what would like for tomorrow...

This is really the fastest Lenten. And everything was different...Yet, there'll always the first time, right?

everything changes, nothing stays the same
people come, people go...
but in search of His presence,
one thing will always be the same
you will always be
in the house of the Lord

The memory of Flower

2006-04-12T21:49:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006.
Now I carry the sign of my chinese name forever....

Word Cloud

2006-04-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

Cute!!

Those words are found frequently in my blog.

Love song for a vampire

2006-04-07T19:47:00.000-07:00

Here you go, my another fave song from my most fave movie. Scary? I don't think so, instead, I found this movie is very beautiful. Imagine someone loves you so deep...that he/she will come over anything, even death....In this movie, Count Dracul gave his mortality life in search for love, but in the end, he gave his immortality, for his eternal love. Dramatic, isn't it, and won't happen in the real life.
Still...I adore this movie (and the song) so much...

Come into these arms again
And lay your body down
The rhythm of this trembling heart
Is beating like a drum

It beats for you - It bleeds for you
It knows not how it sounds
For it is the drum of drums
It is the song of songs...

Once I had the rarest rose
That ever deigned to bloom.
Cruel winter chilled the bud
And stole my flower too soon.

Oh loneliness - oh hopelessness
To search the ends of time
For there is in all the world
No greater love than mine.

Love, oh love, oh love...
Still falls the rain... (still falls the rain)
Love, oh love, oh, love...
Still falls the night...
Love, oh love, oh love...
Be mine forever.... (be mine forever)
Love, oh love, oh love....

Let me be the only one
To keep you from the cold
Now the floor of heaven's lain
With stars of brightest gold

They shine for you - they shine for you
They burn for all to see
Come into these arms again
And set this spirit free

OST Bram Stoker's Dracula

The rain after the rain

2006-04-05T22:20:00.000-07:00

That's what happening now, the days full of rain. And this afternoon was the first time the sun shined after so many rainy days, that I almost forgot what the sunshine feels like. I came home tonight walking with my light jacket instead of my winter coat. I walked cheerfully, looked at the sky and saw how bright it was and lots of stars...pretty.

Then, of course, we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

The next moment after I read The Email, I knew the cloudy sky will come again. I went outside, and saw how gloomy the sky is now.

I lost my stars....and in a deep fear I will lose my only star.

Seems that the rain is coming and just won't go away....

Abandon all hope....

Indonesia

2006-04-01T23:08:00.000-08:00

It's pretty funny that lately, I don't feel ashamed anymore about my country of origin (for its bad reputation for many stupid and chaotic things inside the country), well, at least I don't feel it as strong as I did. I also find it amazing that I can stand out all of sudden after I mentioned where did I come from (and somehow from the way I look, people have always mistakenly thought that I came either from Korea, or Japan -and strangely enough, they didn't mention China cause that will be half true). Of course, after they knew, I still have to explain bout why do I have a different look than the majority of people in my country...and bring them to another story how my great grandparents came from another country). Long story short, after they knew, they give almost the same comments: "Ohh...it's a pretty country, it's very beautiful...You know, I've been there." Or, "Really? Wow...that's cool...I heard a lot about your country, I wish I can go there someday." And the last comments from my classmates:"You know, there's a good restaurant in downtown from your country, I tried and I love it!" and "Wow...I've been in Oz and I met lots of people from your country, and they were all very friendly...too bad I didn't get a chance to go there that time."

And so on...and so on....

But, the biggest thing that lessen my dishonor about my country, when I met someone who is very fond about it. He's been there couple of times, and he's totally crazy about it. He spent almost 2 years just to study it, and the last time I met him, he even told me that he wishes to be rich and someone found a superjet that could fly him there in a much shorter time, so he can go there on the weekends....I was only laughing when I heard this, but still, it gave me a deeper feeling how my country could be very attractive for him, or maybe for many other people out there who I've been met, or, who I haven't been. Then tonight, I just read his story when he was in Bali several years ago...and I was thrilled. He wrote, he'll be back...I know he had, and still he wants to go there again....

I never love my country for what I had gotten when I still lived there, and despite what I feel right now, I don't think I can. But, it is somehow a pleasure now to let people know that I came from Indonesia. It's crappy, but indeed I have to agree, it is a beautiful country.

And I know, one day, I'll be back.

Divisional Award Day

2006-03-29T15:51:00.000-08:00

It's not even 4pm, and I am home already, nice!

I didn't go to work today, cause we had a company's divisional award. They served breakfast in the morning, and then started with the awards for the best people across all departments. And after lunch, they had so many attractions and games like basket-ball, face painting, and they even had a tarrot reader. Too bad the line was so long, and cause I didn't want to miss the shuttle back to the office building, so I decided to leave anyway.

And the fun just kept on going: they had a rock climbing, and I climbed (after I took of my jacket and my high-heel shoes and climbeb with barenaked feet). OMG! It was so fun that I almost do it again...^_^

I must say it's really a great place to work, and we are also number one in many achievements among the other divisions!

Got back at the office building by 3pm, then I stopped by at Bodyshop to get my mom's birthday gift before I went home.

OK, that's what I call a day...and another Wednesday almost gone by....

American poverty (and idiot?)

2006-03-26T07:36:00.000-08:00

What the heck I am doing in early Sunday morning, even when I have no essay due next week? Well, my friend asked me to pick up one of his belongings that he left yesterday after the choir, and though I planned to wake up at 7am, still I woke up by 6am. Don't know why....I guess after getting used with 6-7 hrs sleep, I can't really sleep more than that.

Anyway...yes, this weekend I don't really have any emergency situation, meanings that I have no essay due next week. But as always, I still have lotz of reading from thousand of handouts and of course from my favorite handbooks: "If Kids Just Came With Instruction Sheets!" After writing bout divorce last week, the next one is about children and poverty. And something ticklish about it: the number of homeless children in US, is not just a few numbers, and the number just keep adding more. I used to think that only those with drug-addiction are the homeless people, never realized before that many of them have kids and those kids are growing up on the street.
It seems that when you compare US with the other "good" countries (read: England, France, or Germany), children get better treatment over there. But hey, not only that, but also, seniors get much better guarantee after they retired. My cousin' wife' dad, who is German, decided to keep his German citizenship though he resides in US now, his answer were simply: Germany has better retirement program.

So, what will happen to those homeless children in US? And the bigger question, what is poverty? I came from the poor country (well, used to be a developing country until the economic crisis hit them), and I have seen many many poor children. And I know that many poor people in China who sells their own blood to get money, non-sterille of course (don't even start imagine what the effect of AIDS, hepatitis...etc...etc...), and I heard that many Indian children cut their own arms so they can have more "descent" look for begging on the steet (which I dunno the truth, but I knew this from someone who comes regularly to India). Maybe, in some level, poverty in US is not as worse as those countries, but, I guess US can join the club now.

Or maybe if only our beloved Mr President can start to be more serious about US children, put more money to support poor family and children, and stop sending the youngsters (and the money) to war? When I met one of the lady in my choir group yesterday, she's about to cry: her son was sent to Iraq.....and I was speechless when I heard that, I didn't even know what should I say to comfort her.....

Have you seen this music video from Greenday?

"Wake Me Up When September Ends"

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends

here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

Why Can't I?

2006-03-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you, when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting, too

What if this is just the beginning?
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me-
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you, too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch.
But wouldn't it be beautiful?

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't done (it) yet, but my head’s spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

high enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
high enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
Out of this that we can't control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me-
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?

Liz Phair

Jobzzz......

2006-03-23T22:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, my teacher said that people will likely get more job offers when they are currently working; and somehow, I found out that she was right.
It's amazing how many job offers that I get now, after I got myself settled. And many of them are from big companies. I guess, when you just really put your effort and be patient, you'll have your reward, as I have.
I was patiently waiting for my time, though I had to go through lots and lots of craziness and....torture? Kinda.

But now I am happy with my situation, thanks God!

Wed 1st week

2006-03-22T21:59:00.000-08:00

We had small group of meeting with Mr. Mettler today. It was great, when you can ask him all kind of question you wanna ask and he will answer you; and to be honest; most of his answers were pretty much satisfying, You know, cause sometimes when you ask the questions (mostly those delicate ones), you will be getting like a political answers. Well, there was one question when he replied with: you wanna real answer; or political answer? And actually, he answered us in between; still, it was good enough to close the curiosity.

Anyway, I remember I have posted about him back a while ago, well, it was about a year ago. Dang! Time is really flying by....I still remember how I met him when he came as a guest-speaker to one of my class, and I thought he was a great guy and very down to earth person (considering he is a CEO....). And I still think the same way now.

Hm...and it's another Wednesday again today.

Tough week!

2006-03-18T09:32:00.000-08:00

It's been a tough week. I woke up at 5.30am almost everyday to study, so many tests and so many essays, but the hardest was last Wednesday when I knew it was the last time I could see him, then I have to bare with myself waiting for the coming May. *sigh* It's not even a week, I feel so depressed already, and I still have 6 weeks to feel like this....6 weeks, 42 days...aiayayaaa.....I won't even start to count how many hours or how many minutes cause it will only makes me more insane.

I guess, I didn't do the best job when guarding my heart. But, who could win when you fight with love anyway? With the gentlest way, it found its way to defeat me....

Now I can only wish the time will fly away, hope one morning I wake up and I know he's here...